In Maternal Ambivalence: The Loving Moments and Bitter Truths of Motherhood, Margo Lowy argues that mothers’ feelings about motherhood should be expected

Margo Lowy , a psychotherapist and mother of three , defines maternal ambivalence as “a mother’s inner, dynamic practice of owning and holding together her maternal feelings, many of which are contradictory, without throwing away the uncomfortable ones, those that confront and unsettle her.

Lowy argues that mothers’ feelings about motherhood, from love and connection to resentment and even hatred, should be expected.

Maternal ambivalence, once a normal and expected reality, is long overdue for a comeback, says Meg Urry .

Urry: Many young women see maternity as an individual lifestyle choice to which others should be indifferent at best.

She says women who perform this role in the absence of societal regard for its intrinsic importance often quietly hold themselves to impossible, self-contradictory standards.

In 1971 , Donald Winnicott argued that children are able to develop a mature sense of external reality when mothers are “imperfect” in that they allow their toddlers to experience frustration when they cry or wait before receiving maternal attention.

Today ’s mothers, Lowy points out, have a hard time accepting that “enough” is in fact the goal.