Dear Care and Feeding: I'm troubled by my husband's use of physical aggression with our 4-year-old daughter

Dear Care and Feeding : My 4-year-old daughter is in the kicking/hitting/biting/ spitting/tantrum toddler phase.

My husband started getting really frustrated and angry with her at times.

He would sometimes grab her by the upper arms and set her down on the potty really hard.

She is a touchy-feely kid and frequently uses kicking and hitting to maintain touch.

Husband hit his 4-year-old daughter over potty training.

He said he couldn't promise to refrain from hitting or using physical force with your child.

He was ready with a whole list of excuses for hitting her: She stopped hitting him, so it was “effective” He said it was a small act that didn’t hurt, and was controlled.

Don't second -guess the voice in your head telling you that this is wrong.

Don't let your husband derail or distract you with arguments about the division of labor or how you're not a perfect parent.

Parents have to choose other ways to get our points across, even when our kids don't.