Care and Feeding: Is it OK to invite Tom to Christmas?

A mother-of-two wants to invite her estranged brother-in-law for Christmas .

Her husband doesn't want to deal with Stu , who has been unwilling or unable to forgive Tom .

If you're hosting Christmas , then you get to decide who to invite, and your guests can opt in.

If you’re trying to keep a belief in Santa alive (even though he’s not a big part of your traditions), how about something like this: “Parents have to write to the North Pole inviting an elf to come stay with them.” If you aren’t really into Santa in your home, anyway, may I suggest the book The (Wonderful) Truth About Santa by B.K. Gendron and Jessica Jansen , which emphasizes the joy in keeping the magic alive for others.

Advice from a stay-at-home mom: Why not talk it out with a professional? Your employer might offer therapy through an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) Having someone unbiased to listen to your pros and cons might help you gain clarity.

Good luck, Allison .