How to do it: I’m in a theoretically polyamorous relationship, but I’m not ready for a serious relationship. I’m OK being someone’s lover, but I need to start with friendship

How to Do It is Slate's sex advice column.

Stoya and Rich offer advice on how to find the right sex partner for the first time in your life.

If you want to explore your inner world, start with a list of things to try out and start with friendship.

I have a bad feeling that I’m a “demisexual,” which is making me anxious and inhibited around other guys.

This is probably because the pursuit of hookup sex seems to predominate in the community.

I gravitate to the kinky set rather than “vanilla” guys, making me feel disconnected from the kink community.

My overwhelming desire is to have a long-term relationship.

You’re not inadequate for not wanting fast, cheap sex, but you're sensitive and you prize connection.

The whole point of queerness is that you get to say, “Fuck all that noise,” and live your life as you are compelled to.

Look beyond hook-up apps to make your connections if you're getting revulsion from guys when you ask them out on dates.