Despite having a loving partner, Mark feels unloveable. He grew up in a world that shamed him for who he is | Chris Cheers

The harm of shame is not the feeling itself but rather the harmful lives we often build in an attempt to protect ourselves from this shame.

Shame is often an internalisation of stigmatisation and prejudice.

Like so many from the LGBTQ+ community, the culture of systemic shame offered Mark a false path out of shame based on work, success and wealth.

The first step is to build an understanding of the part of you that feels shame and explore why it has developed.

For many, this may involve a focus on relationships and on relationships.

Over time, this helped them to feel safe to bring their authentic self to their relationship, creating the opportunity to experience a new sense of belonging and self-acceptance. There was also a question that both Mark and Chloe found useful. It’s one I ask myself often, to act against my own systemic shame: how would you live today, if you already believed you were enough? Because challenging shame is all about finding the radical belief that you already are. - Dr Chris Cheers is a psychologist, author and educator. His book The New Rulebook is out now.